Return to Passport Barracks

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Oh Joy of Joys, arrive back, exactly ten minutes before my slot. Escorted to a seat by baton swinging security personel, menopausal women being a huge security issue, am told not to leave my seat until my number is called.

The five year old in me wants to do something outrageous but I don't.

Feel just need to get my passport and go, this is no time for clowning around.

Oh how wrong was I?

My name and number is called loudly. I approach the glass fronted desk and take a seat, feeling about 3yrs old. The frosty person picks up a passport, opens it and slaps it against the glass, "this yours!! ?" she barks, and now am smiling, now I've got them, well ... hmm I say.

"Well" she repeats, "is this yours!"

I had seen straightaway

by my ghastly photos and personal details ..... the name in it wasn't mine.

Oh I decided am really going to enjoy this.

"Hmm, is that my passport ?" I reply

"has anyone looked at it?"

The woman looking affronted, removes her glasses saying

" it's been checked by 5 people including me"

"Oh" I say, "are you all blind?"

she looks like she is about to explode

she bangs the passport again on the glass

batons approach

so I ask her ( on a roll & trying not to giggle )

"whats my name?

she just looks baffled but says my name

OK i say ....

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"Be a dear, please tell me what the name on the passport says?"

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Bitch barracks women turns puce,

WAIT over there!

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Of course 5 people checked it, it was my passport

but now it had a mans name in it.

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Yeah right.

Go ahead ............... make my day

Oh, excuse me, make that 3 complaints slips won't you.

Thanks dearie I say, tsking and tutting as I try to suppress helpless laughter.

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Jobsworths not worth it are they?

I told them they'll all be famous for rudeness and stupidity one day

So, here you are people at the Passport barracks !

Your moment of rude stupid fame !!!

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Friends said afterwards perhaps I could have accepted the new identity

being given free by the Passport barracks.

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Makes you think.

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I laughed all the way back to Cheshire

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