What we don't know

of

the dreams

inside

Tao surfing

can

lead

to

dreams you didn't know you had

of

mysterious

magical

primal roots

Surfing the tao

So, there it is.

In a brief moment of three words,

everything changes,

flipside up!

In the approximate words............. when you don't know where to be,

take yourself to sleep in palaces, floors, sofas......... surf the tao!

"so that's what i'm doing" :)

Well that's okay then :)

Phew for a moment there, i'd been thinking

was in disaster.

AGAIN

but No!

i'm surfing life LOL.

That sounded and felt a whole lot better.

Though i wasn't sure if I should tell my Mum.

************************

But I was getting a vision, of surfing about, trying things out, seeing what might fit.

Ha ha, the shift from scary road to adventuring happened quite quickly.

I had a week cat sitting to discover what this freedom could mean. The cats were great, they ate, slept and kept me company whilst i made manic lists, freeflowing mind maps.

Tried to retrieve childhood dreams.

************************

Had been left a library ticket,

braved the winds and rain of the Wirral to check out my e mail and find helpful books.

Books, hmm, faithful friends, have always loved reading, the books I need just seem to catch my attention, soon scanned, put in my bag and I'm home before I know it.

*************************

I curl up with the Cats, feeling slightly unnerved by the enormity of another day,

let alone that of the past or future.

We all fall asleep in a muddle of dreams, limbs and bedding.

**************************

As the week progresses, my enthusiasm wanes and wobbles,

ideas ebb and flow,

at times I feel almost demented with the intensity of all the brain thinking flows.

Positivity is winning though there are still scary moments..............

like contacting old friends,

remembering I have to return to my life,

living with two Greek strangers who offered me a room.

****************************

Returning to the Northern University city,

don't feel quite so brave or courageous,

it's February, cold, chillings winds and sleet.

When I finally reach home, cursing the loss of my car,

the greeks are cursing each other.

Emotional dramas unfold noisily,

untidily trespass onto the tightrope in my mind.

Retreating to my room,

I am visited by each in turn confiding in me what is wrong with the other one!

I feel contendedly single, lol, not for the first time in my life.

******************************

There seems to be something about relationships that mutates ordinary people into controlling manipulative idiots as soon as they are in their particular "drama" of relationship.

When you "stay" with couples, it is a fascinatingly detached birds eye view of the "two" of them. I studied Psychology and Counselling in the 90's, additionally, trying to help my self with relationships I had also unfolded some aspects of myself with therapists.

*************************************

In the time of having no place of my own,

it was a privilege to live with more than 50 different people.

A fast track close to many different lifestyles, philosophies and expressions of being a human.

As you are only "passing through" so to speak,

it is possible to observe from quite a detached space

against the intimacy of the day to day living.

Almost akin to living in reality TV of the Big Brother ilk.

No off button though!